Intervarsity Blues EP

Intervarsity Blues

Mail Order Bride

Listen Now:

Feeling lonely and empty inside
So I ordered a Mail Order Bride
She was pretty like she had reported
I like domestic but I really like imported

She wants to live the American Dream
Digital cable and a plasma screen
She told me back home her life was pretty crappy
I am sure that I can make her happy

I got her special delivery
She brought me out of my misery
She is my fantasy
I am in love she’s my Mail Order Bride

I was so happy this girl was the bomb
Brought her home to meet Dad and Mom
They said “son have you lost your mind you can’t afford another bill”
I just looked at them and said “chill”

Brought her down the aisle to the altar
After that things began to falter
Couldn’t cook or clean like her profile said she could
When I wanted to fool around she said “I don’t feel good”

I got her special delivery
She brought me out of my misery
She is my fantasy
I am in love she’s my Mail Order Bride

She missed her family so she always calls home
Racked up a huge bill on my cell phone
Tried to be the best husband tried to be a star
Until she took off one day with my mom’s car

It really became an open and shut case
With an interstate high speed police chase
And her evil plan was thwarted
When my Mail-Order Bride got deported

Hot Dog Party

Listen Now:

Pulled up to the kegger in my hot Mercedes
Walked into the room and said “Dude looks like no ladies”
I told my friend we’ve gotta go with this bad ratio
He said man wait the girls are just late so hold on a minute yo

I just talked to Cher she’s washing her hair she’ll be here looking pretty
And Becky Sue’s got better things to do she’s watching Sex in the City
Jessica’s busy with midterms studying for a test
She’s gotta hit the books can’t make it to the Sausage Fest

Hot Dog Party
It’s a Hot Dog Party
Hot Dog Party
You would cry too if you saw all these dudes

There are many many many many many men in this place
Hallelujah it’s raining men we gotta get out of this place
No Ginas Julias Jackies Jennifers Jills or Geraldines
Just Bobbys Buddys Baileys Barts and Borises I’ve seen

Men in the kitchen men on the lawn
This is where all the cowboys have gone
Men by the fridge men by the fountain
It’s gonna turn into Brokeback Mountain

Hot Dog Party
It’s a Hot Dog Party
Hot Dog Party
You would cry too if you saw all these dudes

Spoken:
No woman yes cry
Man it’s Famous like Nathan’s up in here there’s so many dudes
It’s like a Million Man March up in here there’s so many guys
Where are all the chicas at?

Intervarsity Blues

Listen Now:

One day I went down to the Beach to play Ultimate Frisbee
And I was amazed when this pretty girl walked up to me
She was tall and blonde she was the girl of my dreams
But as we will soon find out everything is not as it seems

She invited me to play volleyball with her friends down at the park
I served that ball above the net from noon until it got dark
And everybody was happy, peaceful and a little glazed
I wondered if they spiked their Brownies with some Purple Haze

I thought oh man this can’t be happening she’s too good to be true
If God was one of us you know that he would like her too
I ran my hand through her hair to kiss her was my mission
And then she says, “hey baby will you join my Coalition”

I’ve got the Intervarsity Blues
And now I gotta choose
Between my secular life and a greater purpose
Got the Intervarsity Blues

The only honey who could ever reach me was the daughter of a Preacher Man
She took me to Bible Study Class and I studied as hard as I can
I interpret the scriptures literally and I take their message to heart
I get so sad I get so sad so sad when we’re apart

I feel like I am in Purgatory and I really can’t decide
Between the life I have forsaken and my potential bride
I looked into her eyes they started spinning and I got really dizzy
I think the girl I think the girl I think the girl’s trying to hypnotize me

My body’s been abducted and I am in some kind of trance
There’s Christian rock on the radio and I feel compelled to dance
I am elevating and speaking tongues I feel like I can fly
I will preserve my spirit and I am not afraid to die

I’ve got the Intervarsity Blues
And now I gotta choose
Between my secular life and a greater purpose
Got the Intervarsity Blues

Lyrics and Music by James Rustad © 2006